Zitate
Was solln wir bloß mit all den ganzen Zitaten?
Zitat des Tages -
von Pepperänn
"ich könnte dir zusätzlich noch die 50 bis 70 typen aufzählen, mit denen ich schon was hatte....wenn ich ihre namen wüsste."
Zitat des Tages -
von Pepperänn
"ich könnte dir zusätzlich noch die 50 bis 70 typen aufzählen, mit denen ich schon was hatte....wenn ich ihre namen wüsste."
beeeti - 26. Mai, 20:42
miaow - 3. Jun, 01:00
also woatscho.des muaß doch ned jeder wissn. ^^
Frony - 4. Jun, 15:13
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for president of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume Monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor
for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
(You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide.
You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour'
and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
------------------------
3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
There is no such thing as US English. You speak a dialect of English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.
-------------------
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists.
The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler.
A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect.
At the same time, you will go Imperial with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and real measurements will help you understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
8. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not French and are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps.
Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with ketchup but with vinegar.
-------------------
10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.
South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
---------------------
11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good chaps. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
12. You will cease playing American gridiron. There is only one kind of football; you call it soccer.
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American gridiron, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies).
Don't try Rugby- the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you.
---------------------
13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with bone china cups, with saucers, (never mugs), with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God save the Queen.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume Monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor
for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
(You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide.
You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour'
and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
------------------------
3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
There is no such thing as US English. You speak a dialect of English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.
-------------------
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists.
The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler.
A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect.
At the same time, you will go Imperial with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and real measurements will help you understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
8. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not French and are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps.
Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with ketchup but with vinegar.
-------------------
10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.
South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
---------------------
11. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good chaps. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
12. You will cease playing American gridiron. There is only one kind of football; you call it soccer.
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American gridiron, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies).
Don't try Rugby- the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you.
---------------------
13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with bone china cups, with saucers, (never mugs), with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God save the Queen.
Frony - 18. Jun, 17:37
koana schreibt mehr wos hä.
deswegen schreib i wos: i hob jetzad an billard tisch. und Tüv. und Abi. i bin quasi vom wahnsinn zum absoluten wahnsinn mutiert.
Next time start to sing: