WORST DATE
> If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope
> you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably
> the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We
> have all had bad dates.. but this takes the cake. This
> just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays.
> This was on the "Tonight Show"with Jay Leno. Jay went
> into the audience to find the mo st embarrassing first
> date that a woman ever had. The winner described her
> worst first date experience. There was absolutely no
> question as to why her tale took the prize!
>
> She said it was midwinter.. snowing and quite cold... and
> the guy had
> taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City,
> Utah. It was a
> ; day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and
> truly had
> never met before. The outing was fun but relatively
> uneventful until
> they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving
> back down
> the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she
> should not
> have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from
> anywhere
> with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion
> suggested
> she try to hold it, which she did for a while Unfortunately,
> because of
> the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she
> told him
> that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or
> it would be
> the front seat of his car.
>
> They stopped and she quickly crawled out
> ; beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In
> the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let
&g t; her butt rest against the rear fender to steady
> herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car
> watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman
> and refrained from peeking. All she could think about
> was the relief she felt despite the rather
> embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing
> however, she soon became aware of another sensation.
> As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady
> discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the
> car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump
> handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to
> disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly
> apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the
> extreme cold.
>
> Horrified by her plight and yet aware of
> the humor of the moment, she answered her date's
> concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply
> that indeed, she was " freezing her butt off and in
> need of some assistance!" He came around the car as
> she tried to cover herself with h er sweater and then,
> as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out
> laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they
> finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed
> her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation
> was, they also were faced with a real problem Both
> agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly
> cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!
>
> Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in
> the first
> place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to
> get her free
> So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date
> proceeded to unzip
> his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience
> screamed in
> laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down.. or
> pe rhaps that
> should be "pants down." ..And you thought your first date
> was
> embarrassing.
>
> Jay Leno's comment .. "This gives a whole new meaning to
> being pissed off.

LIZARD BIRTHING
> >>>
> >>> If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet
> >>> syndrome including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story
> >>> below will have you laughing out LOUD!
> >>>
> >>> Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.
> >>>
> >>> Here's what happened:
> >>> Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was
> >>> "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his
> >>> room.
> >>>
> >>> "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious
> >>> dad, can you help?"
> >>>
> >>> I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into
> >>> his bedroom.
> >>> One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking
> >>> stressed. I immediately knew what to do.
> >>>
> >>> "Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"
> >>>
> >>> "Oh my! gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having
> >>> babies."
> >>>
> >>> "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
> >>>
> >>> I was equally outraged.
> >>>
> >>> "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said
> >>> we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.
> >>>
> >>> "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?"
> >>> she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)
> >>>
> >>> "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her,
> >>> (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth
> >>> together).
> >>>
> >>> "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
> >>>
> >>> "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know,"
> >>> she informed me. (again with the sarcasm, you think?)
> >>>
> >>> By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I
> >>> shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.
> >>>
> >>> "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced.
> >>> "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
> >>>
> >>> "Oh, gross!" they shrieked.
> >>>
> >>> "Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a
> >>> litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I
> >>> really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)
> >>>
> >>> We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked
> >>> like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
> >>>
> >>> "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
> >>> "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
> >>>
> >>> "Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
> >>>
> >>> "Okay, okay." Squeamishly , I reached in and grabbed the
> >>> foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug.
> >>> It disappeared.
> >>> I tried several more times with the same results.
> >>>
> >>> "Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know.
> >>> "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma."
> >>> (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)
> >>>
> >>> "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.
> >>>
> >>> We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.
> >>> "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
> >>>
> >>> "I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him.
> >>> (Women can be so cruel to their own young.
> >>> I mean what she does to me is one thing,
> >>> but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
> >>>
> >>> The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and
> >>> peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
> >>>
> >>> "What do you think, Doc, a C-section?"
> >>> I suggested scientifically.
> >>>
> >>> "Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron,
> >>> may I speak to you privately for a moment?"
> >>>
> >>> I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
> >>>
> >>> "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
> >>>
> >>> "Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in
> >>> labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen...
> >>> Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male.
> >>> And occasionally, as they come into maturity,
> >>> like most male species, they um....um....masturbate.
> >>> Just the way he did, lying on his back."
> >>> He blushed, glancing at my wife.
> >>> "Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."
> >>>
> >>> We were silent, absorbing this.
> >>>
> >>> "So Ernie's just...just... excited," my wife offered.
> >>>
> >>> "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
> >>>
> >>> More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle.
> >>> And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
> >>>
> >>> "What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that
> >>> the woman I married would commit the upcoming
> >>> affront to my flawless manliness.
> >>>
> >>> Tears were now running down her face. Laughing "It's
> >>> just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its... its...teeny
> >>> little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
> >>>
> >>> "That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly
> >>> bundled the lizards and our son back into the car.
> >>> He was glad everything was going to be okay.
> >>>
> >>> "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he
> >>> told me.
> >>>
> >>> "Oh, you have NO idea,"
> >>>
> >>> Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
> >>>
> >>> 2 - Lizards - $140...
> >>>
> >>> 1 - Cage - $50...
> >>>
> >>> Trip to the Vet - $30...
> >>>
> >>> Memory of your husband pulling on a
> >>> lizard's winkie...Priceless
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Moral of the story -
> >>> finish biology class -
> >>> lizards lay eggs!

danke, dass aktiv und passiv auch an mich gedacht wird. danke.
es waren 4 leute.

Kelheim kann nur durch -->BESTÄNDIGES<-- Schafskopf-Spielen vor dem Untergang bewahrt werden. Eine heroische Tat allein reicht nicht aus, um den Bann zu brechen. :)